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Writer's pictureZsuzsa Nagy

Who should be your professional reference?

Updated: Sep 17, 2020



Is your boss the best person to be your professional reference?


Why does it matter what does our boss think of us? They’re the one who gives our annual performance rating and they can help us in our career development. Especially in the corporate world. But are they always your best cheerleaders?

Let’s be realistic. Not all of our bosses we worked for to become our advocates. We all worked for someone who wasn’t a good example but rather the person we don’t want to become. - Well, make sure you are not using them as your reference.

We all know that the perfect endorsement from the right reference can play a considerable role when job hunting, to show the potential new employer that you have the right skills and perform the jobs you are applying.

But what happens when you are the boss? At a certain career level, such as executives or directors, you don’t always have a leader you work with daily and know what type of leader you are? Sure, they can vouch for your KPI results, but can they describe your leadership style?


Here is an interesting idea.

Why don’t we use our direct reports as a reference?

Would your associates follow you to a new job? – If they would! Wouldn’t that speak more volumes of your leadership?

Questions you should ask yourself:

  • Do you know what your references will say about you?

  • Why not ask how good of a job you are doing from the people who work for you?

  • Would your team follow you if you change companies?

  • Are you considered as their mentor?

  • Will they go above and beyond their job description because of your leadership?

One of the hardest things is to receive feedback about ourselves. Whether it's from our boss or an associate or a friend.

How many of you heard “through the grapevine” that someone doesn’t like to work for you? I have even heard it to my face. Was it painful? Yes, it was.

But I learned that constructive feedback can help me develop my management style and allowed me to build my personal brand at work.

 

So before you ask one of your employees to be your reference, you should know how they perceive you as thier boss. And the simple way to do that is to ask. Dont ever assume. I can guarantee you what you think they think is further from the truth what they really think.


How to ask for feedback

Embrace transparency. Instead of putting up a suggestion box - that will sit on the wall forever empty, - ask insightful questions. Take time out to sit down one – on – one and ask in person.

Create a neutral zone. Your office can be an intimidating environment, as we all know, once you get called into the office 9 out of 10 times, it’s not good news. Set up an informal lunch, have a coffee meeting at a close-by coffee shop. You can even take a quick shopping break (yes, I’ve done that before on our lunch break, incredibly convenient when you work down the street from Nordstrom)

Ask questions to guide your employee to open up. It can be intimidating to tell the boss how they feel about you.

  • What do I do that you want me to do less of?

  • What don’t I do that you want me to do more often?

  • How am I supporting you that you want me to do more?

Go into this conversation with an open mind. A human reaction will be to defend your actions and provide an answer of excuses immediately. Remember, you are here to collect information to become a better leader and create a relationship.

Be ready for the negative. Fear of criticism is a common but manageable reaction. When we receive negative feedback, it goes directly into our “emotional brain.” This is normal and happens to everyone. Criticism is inevitable.

  • Don’t react but try to stay calm and listen.

  • Emphasize with their perspective.

  • Remind yourself that one or two critical comment doesn’t mean everyone feels the same.

  • Recognize the need for improvement.

Be mindful; this will help you understand what soft skills you need to focus on to become a better leader. Remember, you are a human being, and no-one is perfect.

Thank the person for their insight.

Follow up. Actions speak louder than words. Don’t just come up with an action plan if there are areas for improvement; make sure you change behaviors.

Employee feedback is a necessary part of growth and development. It will lead to a more collaborative, communicative, and higher-performing culture.


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